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The Musician

by Jennifer Terran

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1.
The den was filled with fold out chairs and a little stage for me... Mom she let me sing… parents smiled and clapped at me. Finally sure and sane at three. She's late again. I stare at sidewalk cracks and kids that leave with cheerful moms in brown vans. Shade of tree the scent of schoolyard sand… and that lunch nevermadeforme. I stared up in the neighbors' tree and rolled round in the ivy… with sprinklers, leaves and dirt and yells and pleads by ladies in plastic curls. She's late again I stare at sidewalk cracks and kids that leave with cheerful moms in brown vans. Shade of tree the scent of schoolyard sand… and that lunch nevermadeforme. Behind my eyes… now did you ever try to look? that seeming quiet girl. Who's head was a constant unstopping whirl…. A hell that was staleandsafe… She was staleandsafe. Staleandsafe… stuck inside of me... The tall ones talk like I'm not there. A child can't really think. So I learned how ignorance could hurt, while their walls crashed down on me. She's late again I stare at sidewalk cracks... And kids that leave with cheerful moms in brown vans. Shade of tree the scent of schoolyard sand… and that lunchnevermadeforme.
2.
By the time you hear this recording, I will have moved on, seasons will have changed. But the past is ever flowing and sad beauty wants to star in the sonic game, she wants you to cry her name. Way back someone stuck it to her deep, since then she's strived to be unique, till everything went divided, worship me, worship me Why do you wa nt love from twelve million people? Sad beauty wants to star in the sonic game she wants you to cry her name. Peoples' prizes, peoples' people prizes, peoples' people prizes. Can't stand to stand here, but I can't go away. Peoples' prizes, peoples' people prizes, peoples' people prizes. Can't stand to stand here but I can't go away without people have I any way? Have I any way, have I any way? I feel like a secret. I feel like a secret. I feel like a coiled snake. I feel like a secret. I feel like a secret. I feel like a coiled snake… Feel like a secret Feel like a secret and I'm going to strike. By the time you hear this recording, will the record still be skipping? Will the record still be skipping?
3.
The Painter 04:52
Understand I'm not sad This feels good And someday… I'll be heard There's this urgency for expression It's the instinct It's my prerogative It's my meaning Understand I know some of us won't hear Or can't Naturally you're threatened When there's somebody trying to liberate Those beasts you've worked so hard to conceal. But your secrets have caused nothing but anguish And it's only instinct for the painter To make you a mirror Mirror Mirror.... Oh babe, oh babe Gonna make you A mirror Mirror Mirror
4.
An executive was killed not by a thrill but by the churning of one girls' dream. She had a purpose in heart and a permanent part in the sickness of the music scene. It started with those demo tapes she sent him and all those messages she left him. Cause the way in which it stands, you gotta be down with the man. So one day she gets him on the street. Do you see how his feet and the earth don't meet? Cause he's looking at the stars and his fancy rich ass car. "What about the Tom Waits'?" she said. "Couldn't I have an audience like them?" He said, "the stations would never play it... as far as money we'd never make it." She warned you, Mr. Record Man. With her needy eyes, with her dirty face. Oh mad Magdaline. Oh mad Magdaline. Will she ever know how lights can descend on her fingers raging with amazing grace? Oh mad Magdaline. Oh mad Magdaline. You cut 'em down to size. You cut 'em down to size with no shame… ooooh sickening game. So the next time she saw the man on the street, her music was well armored with a mean machine- For he had ignored her all those years despite her talent sweat and tears. A little voice inside her said to stop. But she could never deny the expression of her eager heart. So before she blew him away, there'd be one more thing she'd have to say. "Remember me? No? Well I'm here to stop the killer of the real show. Cause there's more music than what you hear on the fucking radio you ignorant bastard!" She warned you Mr. Record Man. With her knowing eyes with her beautiful face. Oh mad Magdaline, my sweet Magdaline. Yes she will know how lights can descend on her m usic raging with amazing grace. My brave Magdaline, my sweet Magdaline. She warned you Mr. Record Record Man, she warned you Mister Big… oh mad Magdaline… give him a big hit… Big hit for Mr. Big. Big hit for Mr. Big! Ooooh cut 'em down to size. You cut 'em down to your size with no shame... oooh it's a sickening game.
5.
Sweet Love 05:02
Oh you are mine Oh my sweet love Yes it's you, me and Kitty Oh we are a family Let's go far away To the mountains to the streams Where we'll set up a tent And you know what we'll do Oh what it is to love you To love you… Oh come on over And bring your pretty blue pills Let's t ry for inspiration And say no to the world so we can get back to what is real I get consumed with the telephone With my appointments With the bills When everything I do is for love and for music How is it that there ain't time to be revealed? To be revealed To be revealed To be revealed To be revealed I need to sing about it I need to sing about it
6.
Why do I feel so old? Where did I go? I used to be moved to tears by the sound of a simple chord. It was sweet. I felt free. Working these eight hour shifts can take you away from it. And you can't stand to witness the waste of your instrument. You're smiling when you don't feel like it. You're dividing, Surviving. Come on, get up start over again and again and again and again and again. Come on, you know the way, you better go there or it's Good Night.
7.
When I was a little kid I showed my friend what music could do to me Oh ya… how it could make me cry Sitting down in my living room With that warn out record, last song, side two And when it played I'd just cry and cry Don't ask me what was wrong I was doing fine. Grown ups used to bark at me Saying adulthood was hard, childhood was carefree. It wasn't so when they'd send their blows. Now we've cluttered minds clogged emotional bowels There's a waste seeping over And it will take your whole life to clean it up So mine as well try for now Taking a beautiful song and just crying and crying to it. Do re mi fa Do re mi fa Mi fa so la Mi fa so...
8.
Skating 03:50
I was skating around When my ass hit the ground And oh how bodies can bleed. When there are so many eyes And so many ears Can't there be some for me For me For me Just want you t o dance with me Dance with me I've been trying to tell you that I found a new color Don't you want to see it? But whether you love it Whether you hate it I'm going to do what I feel is right Just want you to dance with me Dance with me Cause I've been trying to tell you And I'll keep trying.
9.
Sticky sweet 8 to 5 lady Complains of he r bad headaches daily And her doctor bills And her cost for pills Does 8 to 5 make people crazy? She confides with me like I'm in Bitching about everyone's sins Like who the boss fucked And his wife the cold duck Does she talk about me? More than maybe. Sickening sweet 8 to 5 honey Is cheating, she's stealing the money And it's hard to stand by One who lives such a lie I for one will not comply to that "do as I say, not as I do" I'm no slave and I am no fool! She's so different from me. And she sings so off key But she does make me see What it is to be…
10.
I do better When you can love me For being myself… And you want the same from me Like the river Love is the mountain That just lets you be Free… Where you're neither unseen Nor seen Sweet new fingers Struggle to press down On the ivory keys She is crying She is trying She is breathing in ghosts Of sight Oh inhale And you're light And when you let out Your song First turn you own self On I sing better When I can love me…
11.
Grand Canyon 05:32
I'm getting into something But I don't know what it is I don't know what it is But I'll know when I get there. I've traveled through miles of desert And it seems that's all there is I can't see anything else Sometimes I think I'll never find me again and that, Grand Canyon When I jump in Commit my love to you I can do anything. Now tonight Maybe you're getting into something But you don't know what it's called You don't know what it's called Does it have to have a name? Oh my god, I see The burning breathing ridge And the sky scarred red and big I'm going to jump right off I'm going to dive right into that, Grand Canyon When I jump in Commit my love to you I can do anything It's like a batthatearns a clean, far hit It's like the soprano falling into the mercy of that Sweet high pitch It's like music when it's on When it's easy and clean Certain and in need Easy and clean Certain and in need Easy and clean Certain and in need.
12.
Tree went down on the 26th Dumped the food that made mybuttgetbig Angel paper and Santa Claus Are all half off in the shopping malls Oh Awake my soul Santa's on his way home. Quite my job on the 31st A job that robbed me of my thirst My true self was in a deep dark sleep My true self, masked my creeps Oh Awake my soul Grizelda's on her way home. Distractions can come in many forms Like waiting for d to call me on the phone But I'm going back to what my life Will be When I don't crave him will I be freer Oh Awake my soul Ben is on her way home At first I'll have to force myself To do the things that I love best Won't wait another year for Santa Claus To bring to fruition my true cause Oh Awake my soul I am on my way Oh Awake my soul I am on my way home
13.
14.
Last track 00:27

about

I consider this to be my first real record. Like a debut. Very close to my heart. Gave it all of me.

credits

released January 1, 2001

I thought to feature this older VERY SPECIAL record for a minute, as I plan to release it on vinyl very soon! Praised in ROLLING STONE, THE LONDON TIMES and making many top ten best album lists of the year. Yay independent music!!

Written, Produced, Mixed & Mastered - Jennifer Terran

String Arrangements - Brendan Statom & Jennifer Terran

Recorded in my bedroom on the riviera in Santa Barbara, California USA on analog machines and digital ones as well. I did the mastering myself (kicked my ass!) at Stayne's studio onto his incredibly cranky 1/2 inch tube tape deck and on through some lovely tube gear and back to the 0s and 1s we all know and love and that aliens would not be able to recognize with their alien ears (I.e. digital).

______________________

THE MUSICIANS:

Jennifer Terran - Piano, voices, drums, flute, harp

Brendan Statom - Double Bass, electric bass

Misha Bodnar - Celllo

Laura Hextine - Violin

Laura Mihalka - Cello, electric guitar

Sally Barr - Violin

Kyann Wnuck - Drums & percussion

Chris Judge - Guitar

Tom Lackner: Drums

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Jennifer Terran Santa Barbara, California

sounder of echo and source, emotive universal and the sensual ahhhhhhh... recorder, performer, piano-er, spinner of words, consonance, dissonance, harmonic explosiveness... nature, inspired human connection, mother, world & life traveler of soul, mind and heart, and here to meet you in the beautiful folds of the music... you-me-us-one ... more

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